Secrets
by Lady Dudley
Summary: Prompt fill for headfilledwithbirds: Early on in their relationship, Pam shares a secret from her past with Eric. Also includes a dash of S6E1 AU and angst.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: For headfilledwithbirds who gave me the prompt of Paric sharing secrets early on in their relationship, possibly/preferably to do with children. The line "Other than the fact that I shared my _entire_ life with you and all you do is lie to me?" from S6E1 was also mentioned, so I decided to use that scene as well. It turned out _way_ more angsty than I was intending (in fact, I wasn't planning angst at all) but it did mean I could finally use 'Just Give Me A Reason' in a Paric related fic :P Hope you like it :)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

_**Secrets**_

…  
_Right from the start  
You were a thief  
You stole my heart  
And I your willing victim  
I let you see the parts of me  
That weren't all that pretty  
And with every touch you fixed them_  
-'Just Give Me A Reason,' Pink  
…

Eric lay in bed looking up at the ceiling, one arm wrapped around Pam's shoulders, holding her nestled against him.

"What about women?" she asked lazily after a moment, a hint of playfulness in her tone.

Eric fought back a smirk, "Oh, there were many," he assured her in a teasing tone.

He couldn't see it, but he could almost feel her raise an eyebrow at his response, "How many?" she asked, her playful tone taking on a sharp edge.

He chuckled as he absently traced circles on her bare shoulder, "Why? Are you jealous?" he teased, trying not to sound too smug at the thought.

"Hardly," she huffed, nestling closer into his side.

He smirked, enjoying the possessiveness he could feel coursing through their bond. He moved his head slightly so that his cheek rested on the top of her head as he tried to remember the last time he'd felt so content.

A thought tugged at the edge of his mind and, without thinking, he verbalised it: "What about children?"

For a brief moment, Pam froze.

"Are you asking if I ever wanted children or if I ever had any?" she asked stiffly.

Eric's brow furrowed at her peculiar reaction, "Either."

Pam bit her lip as she thought about her response and Eric tried not to pay too much attention to the tumult of emotions that were surging through their bond, trying to give her space.

"I only ever considered having children once," she said finally.

"And?" he prompted.

"It didn't end well," she said shortly.

Eric knew from her tone that he should let the matter drop, but he was desperate to learn more about the woman next to him. She was his new obsession and he wanted to know everything about her.

A heavy weight settled itself on his chest, distracting him from his inner debate, and it took him a few moments to realise that it wasn't a physical weight, but an emotional one. It took him several more moments to realise that the feeling came from Pam.

"I'm sorry," he whispered urgently, pulling her closer and kissing the top of her head, "I don't mean to pry."

"It's fine," she assured him, she took a shaky breath that she didn't need before continuing, "it was a long time ago. Before I…before I took to the streets."

"You don't have to tell me," he said quietly.

"I know."

Silence descended and Eric privately cursed himself for ruining the moment.

"It was when I was looking for Bertie," she continued after a long moment, surprising him, "one of his friends agreed to help me. I had always been a little in love with him and he…took advantage of that."

A low growl escaped from Eric before he could stop himself as the implication of her words sank in. For a brief moment he saw red at the thought of someone hurting her, he was brought back to reality as she laid a hand on his chest.

"It's all right, really," she told him, "besides," she added, her tone a little wistful, "he died in the war too."

Eric felt that it was less than he deserved for having something to do with hurting her, but he let the matter drop.

"He got you pregnant," Eric ground out after a moment.

"Yes," she admitted in a small voice, "at first everything was fine, we were going to be so happy and then…he left. I had to fend for myself, for both of us…" she trailed off as her voice broke.

Eric shifted so that he could wrap his other arm around her, hating to see her so vulnerable. She buried her face in his shoulder and he felt a wave of pain wash over him.

It made him feel sick as he realised what the end of her story would be.

"You don't have to tell me anymore," he told her, desperate to save her from having to relieve the memory and himself from having his suspicion confirmed. He crushed her against him and buried his face in her hair, "I'm so sorry," he whispered into her neck, "I'm so, so sorry."

"She would have been so beautiful," Pam whimpered into his chest, so softly that without his superior hearing he would have missed it.

For the first time in centuries, Eric felt his eyes well with bloody tears and he clutched her impossibly close as she wept against his shoulder.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: The start of this is taken from S6E1 and then goes AU from there x**

…  
_Just give me a reason  
Just a little bit's enough  
Just a second we're not broken just bent  
And we can learn to love again  
It's in the stars  
It's been written in the scars on our hearts  
We're not broken just bent  
And we can learn to love again_  
-'Just Give Me A Reason,' Pink  
…

Almost a century later Eric stepped out of a car in the middle of nowhere and came face to face with his progeny.

"Who the f*ck is Mary Poppins and can I please kill her?" she asked.

"She's my sister," Eric said bluntly, not even bothering to sugar coat the truth.

Distracted by the task at hand and unable to feel her properly since their bond had been severed, he barely noticed her gasp as he walked away from her.

She followed close on his heels, "In over a hundred years you never thought to mention 'hey, by the way, I have a super irritating sister, wait until you meet her you're really going to hate her guts'?" she asked, incredulity warring with pain in her tone.

Eric resisted the urge to roll his eyes, a little irritated by her persistence, "I had no reason to."

"Other than the fact that I shared my _entire_ life with you and all you do is lie to me?" she demanded, her voice coloured by deep emotion.

"Bill is out there and he could be coming for us," he reminded her, trying to keep a lid on his frustration as he turned to face her, "the State of Louisiana basically just declared war against us. This is _not_ the time."

He turned away from her and attempted to walk away, but she continued to ghost his steps.

"Why? Don't you trust me?"

The words were barely out of her mouth before he rounded on her, using his height to advantage as he towered menacingly over her. "Either get over it and have my back or get out of my face," he spat.

This time he didn't miss the way she crumpled under his gaze, but he forced himself to turn his back on her and keep walking.

This time she didn't follow.

"Was that necessary?" Nora asked as he joined her.

"Don't you start," he warned her.

Nora held her hands up in placating gesture, "All right, she's your child," she said.

At the word 'child' Eric froze, suddenly aware of just how deep his betrayal of Pam ran.

And he _had_ betrayed her, betrayed everything they had. Even he could see that now.

"Are you even listening to me?" Nora demanded, snapping him back to reality.

Eric shook himself, "Of course," he assured her, "continue."

Nora eyed him warily, but continued her theorising about the Book of Lilith. Eric listened with half an ear, which worked well seeing Nora was thinking aloud rather than actually talking to him.

A fact that was proven a few minutes later as she disappeared without a word after Jason; finding himself alone, Eric went in search of Pam.

The sight of Tara stalking back to the car from the shoreline told him where to find her. Catching sight of him, the younger vampire growled angrily in his direction, his answering growl was enough to make her keep walking.

Smirking to himself, Eric continued on his way; his smirk faded as he caught sight of the lone figure sitting on the beach, just out of reach of the waves.

"Whatever you're about to say, I don't want to hear it," she said without turning around.

"I'm sorry, Pam," he said quietly, stopping just short of her personal space.

She shot a glare at him over her shoulder, "Is that supposed to make everything ok now?" she demanded.

"Is it at least a start?"

Pam snorted and looked back out at the ocean.

Eric put his hands in his pockets as he scuffed the sand with his toe, "I've never been very good at apologies," he admitted after a moment, looking out at the horizon. "Mostly because I've never felt the need to apologise," he added, glancing briefly in her direction.

"You amaze me," she retorted sarcastically.

For a brief moment Eric's anger flared before he conceded that she had every right to be angry with him. After everything he had done, he was lucky she hadn't left him.

"I'm sorry," he said again, "I know that doesn't even _begin_ to cut it," he continued before she could respond, "but I need to fix this, I _have_ to fix this." He paused, "I can't lose you, Pam," he confessed softly, "and I'm sorry I hurt you, that was never my intention. Everything I kept from you was in order to protect you," he explained, "I realise now that it was unfair to do so, especially in light of the trust you had placed in me, and if I could go back I would do everything differently; but I can't." He sighed, "You don't have to trust me right now, you don't even have to like me," he continued as his tone took on a pleading edge, "I need you to stay with me. _Please_, Pam," he begged, "don't leave me."

Pam was silent for a long time as she took several deep breaths that she didn't need in an effort to compose herself; without their bond Eric could only hope that she was overwhelmed by what he had said and not trying to keep herself from strangling him.

Although, knowing Pam, it could be both.

"I don't care if it's in my best interests or not, you won't keep secrets from me in future," she stipulated after a long moment, looking up at him.

Eric felt relief flood him, "I promise."

"And right now, I _don't_ like you," she continued, standing up, "but you're still my Maker and I…" she pouted, "and I love you," she grumbled, crossing her arms.

Eric fought back a grin at her words and resisted the urge to pull her close, sensing that now would not be a good time.

"That's all I need to hear," he said quietly, some of his relief filtering into his tone.

She raised an eyebrow and, this time, he couldn't stop his grin, "And I love you," he told her seriously, "more than you know."

Something softened in her eyes at his statement and Eric felt the old familiar rush of desire and affection well up in his chest.

Things might not be perfect, but they were at least on their way to returning to perfection.


	3. Epilogue

**A/N: For hansprinsessa who requested a little bit more - some fluff to ease the angst :) Possibly out of synch with the timeline, but I don't care. Sorry :P**

_**Epilogue**_

Much later that evening (or very early the next morning) Eric stood next to Pam's coffin, debating with himself over whether to open the lid or not. It had been almost habit in the past to check on her before going to ground himself, now he wasn't so sure that it would be appropriate.

He'd hurt her deeply and even though they'd made some headway earlier in the evening, he wondered if he had somehow lost the right to her affection.

After another moment of indecision, he lifted to lid.

A soft smile graced his lips as he gazed down at her, admiring her beauty as he rememorised her features.

"I have a secret," he whispered, tracing the curve of her cheek lightly with the tip of his finger. "Turning you was the proudest moment of my existence," he confessed, stroking her hair, "and out of everything in this world I love you the most."

"That's not really a secret," she murmured without opening her eyes.

Eric smirked and cupped her chin with his hand, "Is that so?"

She opened her eyes to look up at him, "I had forgotten, that's all," she said quietly, "without our bond, I…I couldn't feel it anymore."

A lone tear escaped from the corner of her eye and Eric wiped it away with the pad of his thumb, "I have missed you," he said quietly. He licked her blood off his thumb, closing his eyes a little as he tasted her.

"Where will you go to ground?" she asked after a moment, Eric regarded her coffin thoughtfully and she felt a smile tug at the corners of her mouth. "This doesn't mean that I like you," she warned him, moving to the side.

"I know," he replied easily, climbing in beside her and gathering her up in his arms; Pam snuggled into his chest, almost in spite of herself.

"I have another secret," Eric continued in a hushed tone, tightening his hold on her, Pam raised an eyebrow, "Tara will have to learn her place because I don't like to share."

Pam smirked, "That's not really a secret either."

Eric smirked as he closed the lid of the coffin, "Good."


End file.
